After being married to the same woman since 1976, I can attest to the value of open listening, honest speaking, respect and kindness in a relationship. We have done the difficult work of learning to feel, to identify our own needs, to express what is true for us, to be vulnerable, and to be open to the other’s reality.
Couples sessions often revolve around communication – learning and practicing skills to be able to face difficult issues with openness, interest, respect and kindness. It is about staying in contact and doing the hard work of being honest with oneself in order to take responsibility for one’s own stuff, as well as being open to the truth of the other.
Besides the two individuals there is a third, the Being of the Relationship. When both individuals are trying to serve the Being of the Relationship a kind of harmony can develop. This usually requires the practice of letting go, the often difficult surrendering of one’s own point of view or preferred outcome.
What would you rather be – right or in resonance with another? There are a thousand ways to get caught up, close down, and feel separate – none of them are ultimately true. Truer than separation is the desire for connection and in the end, with lots of practice, the truth of connection can win out!
Also important is to have an overview of the relationship — how you came to be together, what dynamics were present even at the beginning, what you are working toward, what you are creating together.
I encourage partners to accept what is and see the humor in their dance – it is hard enough – without humor and laughter it is impossible!
“Although we had seen a couple of other therapists over the years in search of working through some issues in our marriage, these sessions lacked a certain spiritual connection for us. It became clear in our very first session with Joseph that this was going to be a different experience. Joseph works with clients giving specific tools for communication, expertly guiding the process with a thoughtful and intuitive ease. We love the humanity and wisdom which seems to effortlessly flow from Joseph. I can, without reservation, highly recommend Joseph Rubano as an outstanding counselor. We have referred many of our friends and colleagues to him.” –Val Pon – teacher, artist, mother – San Diego
“Prior to meeting with Joseph, my wife and I had met with two other marriage counselors. We weren’t satisfied with the guidance and help they provided, particularly as they were too afraid to take a position or opinion about our specific issues. Joseph has been very instrumental to the peace in our family. He not only brings a high level of the wisdom and honesty to the counseling sessions, but in fact provides vulnerability and guidance, using his own life experiences to help bring clarity and agreement between a couple. He is unique in that he is not afraid to render an opinion that will help move a couple from a stalemate on issues. His energy and his sense of fairness dovetail with our own philosophy. Today, we still use Joseph, and are thankful to have him as a resource whenever we encounter occasional challenges in our relationship that benefits from his special abilities to guide us.” –Allyn P. – San Diego